INDIVIDUAL:
I no go shit.
NDLEA
OFFICIAL: You must shit today o.
INDIVIDUAL:
Na by force, I say no dey shit.
NDLEA
OFFICIAL: Whether you like am or not you must defecate o.
INDIVIDUAL:
If una like go call Jonathan, I say I no dey disintegrate o. (pidgin) lol.
Conversation
ends.
Okay
my people, I guess you’re thinking what this naughty guy is up to again. Really no fabs, just
the many comedy questions of my continent and the green white green country.
Usually,
I listen to Otunba Gadafi the owner of the 9ja company DMT toilets mention that shit business is
serious business but never took him seriously until lately. I found out Otunba Gadafi was saying the truth following the saga of a 9ja popular TV comedian with the NDLEA.
If you
think am joking about this "shit business", then you probably have not experienced
the naughty side of this serious business yet. I usually imagine some scenario’s where this business has caused so many kakata (trouble).
You
can imagine on a Sunday morning after the worship, midway the beautiful service
while the pastor is giving us the word , this business suddenly visits right in the
middle of the sweet sermon.(naughty imagination). lol
Or
let’s say broda goodluck with his huge entourage in his many ajala (foreign)
trips decided to join Osama, sorry I meant Obama and while having a press
conference in the White House this shit business came knocking on broda Joe’s
door during his speech. Okay i know that can be handled with some form of presidential diplomacy.
But
you know this shit business never gives you a warning at times. Usually it may
give you a late signal which you must obey or cannot be contained. Ha! ha! ha!
I can
recall a time the shit business came calling at my door at the wrong time while
browsing the memoirs of my past. I had travelled to Cotonue- Benin Republic for
the very first time you know to see what life was like there. I had all my
Naija currency loaded and when I had changed the money to the Francs currency,
I was fabulously fat in my wallet.
After
enjoying my whole day visiting places and having a wonderful time, I decided to
explore the night scenarios with my host which was interesting. I
remembered we got to this suya spot and I called the French “aboki” (friend”)
to give me suya. I noticed their own suya had lots of chicken and other
varieties. The chicken was so attractive and cheap, so I told the guy to give
me a full chicken and another for my host. I stinginly finished one whole roasted green peppered chicken suya that night all
alone.
The
next day after saying goodbye to my host, I took the next available bus to
Lagos. Gann gannn!! (Action movie sound) this shit business decided I was the
next victim on its list o. At every 10 kilometers interval from Seme border
my people, it was serious trouble ooooooo. (Lol). This Kakata (trouble) made sure its knock on my door
was so heavy that I kept the whole passengers waiting every time a gas
station was in site. I usually told them I needed to go do some serious
business . At some point I tried holding it, sweating in the process but alas! at a
point I noticed my business was no longer secret as everyone kept looking back at where i was and telling me "sorry o". Kai (Hausa). lol
Finally,
this business became so naughty; I had to drop down before we got to the final
stop to join another bus to save my face 'cause everyone had labeled me “Mr Shit Business”.
So
when next you hear Otunba Gadafi say “shit business is serious business”, the
guy is right o. Hmm!, last I heared the 9ja TV comedian is about to hit it big again in this shit business. So, who knows when NDLEA will detain next with the usual, ‘‘Mr. Man,
oya shit!! ’’.
QUOTES
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