POETIC FEELINGS FOR A MAN IN BLACK.

Hello blogosphere,                                

A man in black is usually someone with an impulsive nature where I come from.

This guy or lady will definately stop you even when you think you are a conservative law abiding citizen and in much of a hurry.

You’ll never know what a man in black has up on his sleeves, even if you think you already have all it takes to plead your case for something is always missing…………..

I’ve had lots of encounters with a man in black while observing my business all in the name of the law… sometimes I've been saved by grace but sometimes I've been so unlucky with my worst being when I had to do a community service the 9ja way for disobeying the red light.

I love the man in black because he's only human and sometimes it gets so worse when she is a woman. So I had a prank to take the poetic laws into my hands and I guess unlike me, it’s not so funny but that’s how it feels sometimes when you see the ugly side of a man in black.  check this out.....

A livelihood by the roadside

A staff in uniform looking so stark                                                  

Many people actually wonder if you represent lack

Or why the colour of your uniform like your mind is so dark

                                  

They hesitate when your hands says “halt!”

With the impression on their mind saying ‘’fault”

Unsure if you’re just another troubled beggar

Asking for a daily share of their ledger

As they fumble with the drawers in their car

With an expression, ‘’why’’

For a question they always hate to hear

“Where are your particulars?”(pidgin)

Or what they heared was “party cola”

And a reply they all know you like

No need to strain your ear

But search within the pockets of your gear

For the next hanging naira note

But in their minds they mime an angry reggae note

Saying

“Hey! Mr. Policeman”

“Why all this stress man!”

Is it bad belle (grudge) I feel for the ‘‘the man in black’’. I don’t think so jare! (yoruba). I lost my poetic license a long time ago but i guess I have just this one opportunity to be the law on my blog .lol

QUOTES                                                                               

This is a court of law, young man, not a court of justice. © Oliver Wendell Hommes

HOLY JOKES !!!

Certainly thought it was thanksgiving for my yankee friends and so I decided it was time for holy comedy. 

So I jumped into the church comedy manual to dig out all the hilarious I can find especially for you. So my people, abeg abeg abeg (Uti big brother) sit down, relax and enjoy.

One day a pastor and a brother took a visitor to their church on fishing trip in a boat,

Right in the middle of the lake the pastor said “it seems I have forgotten the fishing pole, I’ll be right back''and he immediately stepped out of the boat to the visitor’s amazement walking on water to the shore.

When he returned, the brother also said ‘I need to use the rest room, be right back’. The visitor watched in amazement seeing the brother also move in the same manner to the shore. On returning, the visitor then said ‘I need to use the restroom too’. As soon as he stepped out of the boat. He sank. 

The pastor and the brother now nodded laughing ‘'we should have told him where the rocks are'’. lol… photocopy no easy!(pidgin).

On the way to Sunday school, the Sunday school teacher asked her children why it is necessary to be quiet in church. One bright girl replied ‘’because people are sleeping’’.lol

Okay maybe this one will throw you off your seat?

A little boy was praying “Lord you know my name is Chinedu and I have been praying since January for you to make me a better boy”. Please, biko nu (Igbo), since you have not yet replied. Don’t worry Chineke (lgbo), I 'm having a very good time the way I am”.

If not, this one?

Another little boy was praying “Lord forgive us our trash basket, as we forgive those who put trash into our basket. Make our head like LAWMA (garbage truck) so that whenever we carry too much load. We can empty them at your feet when we come for service. And lord, please don’t forget to put lots of air fresheners in our church so that your angels will not run at the smell of our garbage.

Or this maybe this letter from a boy to his dad will do the trick,

Dear dad,

$chool i$ great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o I would like you to ju$t $end a card a$ I would love to hear from you.

Your $on

Dear son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task and you can never study eNOugh.

Dad.

Okay if you've not smiled or had a laugh while reading, I guess you need a dose of helium…han han (gesture).Oliver Twist!!!!....happy thanksgiving.(smiles).

 

QUOTES 
"You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled." Charles Haddon Spurgeon

"SHIT BUSINESS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS"

NDLEA OFFICIAL: You must shit...

INDIVIDUAL: I no go shit.

NDLEA OFFICIAL: You must shit today o.

INDIVIDUAL: Na by force, I say no dey shit.

NDLEA OFFICIAL: Whether you like am or not you must defecate o. 

INDIVIDUAL: If una like go call Jonathan, I say I no dey disintegrate o. (pidgin) lol.

Conversation ends.

Okay my people, I guess you’re thinking what this naughty guy is up to again. Really no fabs, just the many comedy questions of my continent and the green white green country.

Usually, I listen to Otunba Gadafi the owner of the 9ja company DMT toilets mention that shit business is serious business but never took him seriously until lately. I found out Otunba Gadafi was saying the truth following the saga of a 9ja popular TV comedian with the NDLEA.

If you think am joking about this "shit business", then you probably have not experienced the naughty side of this serious business yet. I usually imagine some scenario’s where this business has caused so many kakata (trouble).

You can imagine on a Sunday morning after the worship, midway the beautiful service while the pastor is giving us the word , this business suddenly visits right in the middle of the sweet sermon.(naughty imagination). lol

Or let’s say broda goodluck with his huge entourage in his many ajala (foreign) trips decided to join Osama, sorry I meant Obama and while having a press conference in the White House this shit business came knocking on broda Joe’s door during his speech.  Okay i know that can be handled with some form of presidential diplomacy.

But you know this shit business never gives you a warning at times. Usually it may give you a late signal which you must obey or cannot be contained. Ha! ha!  ha! 

I can recall a time the shit business came calling at my door at the wrong time while browsing the memoirs of my past. I had travelled to Cotonue- Benin Republic for the very first time you know to see what life was like there. I had all my Naija currency loaded and when I had changed the money to the Francs currency, I was fabulously fat in my wallet.

After enjoying my whole day visiting places and having a wonderful time, I decided to explore the night scenarios with my host which was interesting.  I remembered we got to this suya spot and I called the French “aboki” (friend”) to give me suya. I noticed their own suya had lots of chicken and other varieties. The chicken was so attractive and cheap, so I told the guy to give me a full chicken and another for my host.  I stinginly finished one whole roasted green peppered chicken suya that night all alone.

The next day after saying goodbye to my host, I took the next available bus to Lagos. Gann gannn!! (Action movie sound) this shit business decided I was the next victim on its list o. At every 10 kilometers interval from Seme border my people, it was serious trouble ooooooo. (Lol). This Kakata (trouble) made sure its knock on my door was so heavy that I kept the whole passengers waiting every time a gas station was in site. I usually told them I needed to go do some serious business . At some point I tried holding it, sweating in the process but alas! at a point I noticed my business was no longer secret as everyone kept looking back at where i was and telling me "sorry o". Kai (Hausa). lol

Finally, this business became so naughty; I had to drop down before we got to the final stop to join another bus to save my face 'cause everyone had labeled me “Mr Shit Business”. 

So when next you hear Otunba Gadafi say “shit business is serious business”, the guy is right o. Hmm!, last I heared the 9ja TV comedian is about to hit it big again in this shit business. So, who knows when NDLEA will detain next with the usual, ‘‘Mr. Man, oya shit!! ’’.

QUOTES

"Life is fun, so don't it take too seriously all time. Even your challenging moments could be a pill to put a smile on your face". Unknown

CHINESE LIU LU AND RAMSEY THEOREM.

Hi Everyone,


Chin Chua Cheng Chu Chung Chin Chang Chua (Speaking Chinese).
 

Forgive me, I've been speaking in funny tongues lately but recently been cracking my brains on what next to share on my blog until I discovered this story about a Chinese genius called Liu Lu.

Basically, I've studied most Chinese folks. I know they are usually talented mostly in the sciences, engineering and computing. I always phantom how good an average Chinese kid is with mathematics.

So I am forced to recall what my 9ja folks are known for.

Yep! football (small), music (growing), entertainment & comedy (at least), Banking (restructuring after tsunami), Fashion (we produce small but wear plenty o!!), corruption (cough! cough! , ask our excellent Otunba, UK friendly Ibori, excetera, excetera) .

I also recently recall some cool Naija blooded diaspora folks like Chris Aire. His jewelries are really bad and my guy you’ll also cough out some hard earned $ dollars to get any of his collection. 

I totally agree that Nigerians are doing Africa proudly globaly but back to my chinese story about Liu Lu (tongue twisting) before i forget . Liu Lu was actually a final year college kid who solved this mystery theory that no one had been able to prove for the past two decades just in a single night. It’s so cool that as a final year undergraduate student, he immediately got an offer from the same school for a postgraduate with a successive PHD in his field. 

Men!!!!, being a final year student in a 9ja University if I recall during my days(hmm). Your worry capacity at that time was high o, your lecturer smiling ability was second to none, your church going capacity increased and your praying ability if rated, was close to that of prophet Elijah o ..!! (lol). 

Okay, Liu Lu (yeee!! my tongue o) may have math’s solving skills but my guy an average Naija final year student will get a world medal when it comes to cracking personal or people relation skills due to the unusual experiences and encounters with lecturers. (Abeg no be joke).

I guess Liu Lu did have some extracurricular to deal with too and had extra time on his side to prove this math’s theory but my Naija blokes have cracked harder theories to graduate from our glorious Ivory towers when you sit down to listen to their personal account . If there are special awards for finally bagging a 9ja degree,  every 9ja graduate deserves one and an instant PHD offer shekina! (Hausa). `


See you in my next blog…keep on smiling for sure.



QUOTES

Those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can't are both right.
- Henry Ford